Top 5 Breastfeeding essential products you need right now!

It's always exciting to shop and prepare for a new baby!

As a doula, not only do my clients ask my opinion on the best newborn baby products, but they also teach me about the latest gadgets, newborns, pregnancy, and postpartum products that make parenthood a little easier!

Now with that said, I am not a fan of buying every single thing under the sun! There are so many things you can buy that; honestly, you won't need it. When I was pregnant with my first baby, I loved going window shopping- but walking into places like Buy Buy Baby was just overwhelming!

I was excited and wanted all of the things, but I am not rich, and I didn't want to feel like I needed every single something I saw, so it was vital for me to find those essential for me. I don't necessarily consider myself to live a minimalist lifestyle; however, I am very much a minimalist in how I parent;

the less, the better. Focus on the essentials.

The less the clutter, the better, so I will keep this series of lists short.

For those of you expecting a new little babe, I will be sharing my list of favorite baby products to help you on your journey.

To start, I want to share my top 5 breastfeeding essential products.

Breastfeeding is hard-, and sometimes we need an extra hand, pump, or a comfortable nursing bra to get us through, help us succeed at our goal, whether that's to breastfeed for six months or two years. I've attached my affiliate to the products mentioned to make shopping easier. #CommissionsEarned

1. Latch: A Handbook for Breastfeeding with Confidence at Every Stage

One thing not suggested enough in the many lists of breastfeeding tips is finding a local IBCLC ( international board-certified lactation consultant). This is the highest level of certification any person can achieve in the area of human lactation. It's a good idea to find one early before you give birth so that if you run into issues, you already have someone you can call for assistance.

The second thing is educating yourself ahead of delivery, familiarize yourself with the terms and common conditions that come with breastfeeding. When I was studying for my doula certification, I came across the book "Latch."

I wanted to learn more about breastfeeding so that I could better serve my clients. This book was excellent., It was an easy read and very informative. I recommend this to any mama who wants to breastfeed. I wish I had read this book before I had my babies. Although I was successful in breastfeeding, I encountered some challenges that could have been prevented if I had only known better and taught help. You want to breastfeed, buy this book; you will be so happy you did!

2. Haakaa Manual Breast Pump

This Item has become popular over the last few years and for a good reason! The Haakaa is a fantastic tool to add to your baby bag! It's easy to store, lightweight carry, and is used as a light suction to catch the milk opposite of the breasts your nursing or pumping with.

It's a little bit of a learning curve to use, so it will come in handy to get ahead of time to learn how to properly suction the rim of the haakaa to your breast for best results.

That milk caught by the haakaa can be stored to use later. No milk wasted! Believe me when I said that the phrase "crying over spilled milk" is a REAL thing! LIQUID GOLD its called; Breast milk is precious and should be treated as such! Get yourself a haakaa!

3. Enovoe Organic Bamboo Breastfeeding Pads

I was an over producer with both of my babies; it is both a blessing and a curse!

It was great not to worry about not making enough milk for my babies, but the contact choking and puking of my newborn were not fun at all!

Neither was the excessive leaking. Some mamas leak milk, and others don't. There are different ranges of normal. Leaking or not, it doesn't give you an accurate indication of whether or not you are making milk.

Your milk production takes time to regulate out, so it is the beginning; it helps have a set of cloth breastfeeding pads. These are the same ones I used, and I loved them! They were comfortable to wear while sleeping and wearing throughout the day. It was so easy to throw them in the wash after use.

I tried the disposable pads and just hated having trash full of breast pads, and on top of that, they were itchy. I felt less wasteful using these.

4. Nipple Cream

Changes are you told someone that you wanted to breastfeed, and either you received great encouragement and support, or you received resistance and every horrible breastfeeding "gone wrong" experience.

listen- I want nothing more than to help you succeed at your goal (whatever that is.)

Just like with your birth, it will do you no good to take on the next person's trauma and experiences, good or bad as your own. Your baby will be yours and experience yours and yours alone!

Yes, breastfeeding challenges, but it is equally, if not more rewarding, and beneficial!

Nipple cream is essential- because if you happen to run into issues with sore, cracked nipples, this will most likely occur with the first week or two of breastfeeding, and the last thing you should be worried about is heading out to the store to pick up nipple cream. I know I said only five products, but I felt it necessary to mention these two nipple healing salves depending on your need.

This cute little purple bottle is easily accessible and works well! Keep in mind that this is not an "organic product," but its still a great choice if that doesn't bother you!

If you are looking for something a little closer to nature, then get the Motherlove nipple cream! It is organic, plant-based, and lanolin-free, unlike the lansinoh lanolin nipple cream option! Use either cream paired with your breast milk ( breastmilk is healing for broken skin and sore nipples), and you are good to go!

5. Bedtime Nursing Bra

Confession time! This product was terrific; I wore it and still do, from time to time.

It is so comfortable and made nighttime feeding a breeze. No clips or uncomfortable straps to manage in the dark and while asleep.

I am very top-heavy, so bras in general, when my boobs are full of milk, were not the most comfortable. For those late nights when you can barely open your eyes, this was amazing to slip my bra to the side and let baby latch!

I highly recommend getting 2 of these! I even wore them throughout the day when at home and shamelessly still wear them from time to time, although my breastfeeding journey ended over a year ago! They are just that comfortable.

me wearing the sleep nursing bra while pregnant with my second baby!

What do you think about this list! I hope apart from the list you feel encouraged and more knowledgeable. that is my goal! What other product would you add to this list?

Anything you would take away?

Would love to hear your thoughts!

Pandemic Thoughts...

I’ve been hesitant to write/post, to inspire and motivate. Funny because that is the exact reason why I created my instagram @The_Mentored_Mama. To share , inspire and uplift all of you to become your best self as I am too trying to become my best self. Over time I realized that I can’t become that alone. I need a circle of women around me who I can learn from and look up to, women who are coming up after me that I can teach and walk alongside and those women I consider peers to talk to. But man this time has been HARD! I’ve been drowning in my own self doubt and frustrations of life. I mean it hasn’t all been bad! It has certainly been glimmers of light throughout this whole pandemic, quarantine and self distancing (all words I’ve either never used before in my life or so often before now) lol . I’m sure the same for you as well.
So ya, things haven’t been great but I have to keep in reminding myself and maybe this can be a reminder for you as well. You don’t have to have everything together and be the happiest you’ve ever been in life and have reached all of your goals to be qualified enough to inspire others, to encourage!

How Silly of me to have thought that in order to tell you , you will get through this, this is temporary and you got this girl, that I had to be living my best life while in quarantine 😂. NOT TRUE!

I am so sorry I held back and thought that! As I reach out and uplift it is a reminder to myself to keep going! So what have you been learning throughout this? For me it’s been: yeah things aren’t great, but you still have love to give and good advice to share. What about you? I’d love for you to share it with the class! 🤗

My Role: Doula

Before I even had the chance to start a family of my own, get married, and experience my first pregnancy, I knew I wanted to be a doula. When I witnessed my best friend give birth when we were both nineteen years old, it was the most fantastic thing I had experienced at that point. I was fascinated with birth. It sounds odd when I say this out loud, but I would often watch videos on YouTube of both women and animals giving birth. I didn't know what this passion I felt around birth meant, but It wasn't until I was a little closer to motherhood myself several years later that I understood that these feelings and passions were summed up in one role: Doula!

“A good doula has a servant's heart and finds genuine joy in serving others.”

My love and service to people led me into ministry through a nonprofit, but because my passion for women and their experiences were so evident, one of my church members asked me to be her doula. I was flattered and excited that she would trust me enough to be there for her in this type of way without any "formal training." Once again, I remembered the joy I felt being a support to people. I've always had a servant's heart, wanting to meet people's needs and be a part of making milestones in people's lives memorable. Being a doula allows me to do all of that! A good doula has a servant's heart and finds genuine joy in serving others. After all, that is the definition of a doula: servant. As a doula, I feel it's essential to possess integrity. Your clients may share delicate and personal information with you. They have to know they can trust you and whatever they speak to you stays confidential.

“When money is brought up in any relationship we throw out the authenticity of that relationship.”

I also think it’s important as a doula to be organized and punctual, of course life happens but communication is such a big part of this whole thing. Your client is expecting you to have your side of things in order so that when the time comes (that big moment that you've all been waiting for), you can be at her side when she calls. She needs to know she can count on you.

The business aspect can be a challenge, but honestly, it doesn't have to be. When money is brought up in any relationship we throw out the authenticity of that relationship. We somehow think the two cannot exist. If your not willing to do it for free or give me a discount or how I like to say "the homie hook-up," then you must not care, and you don't want to help. That could not be further from the truth, and I want both client and doula to know this! Money matters can be uncomfortable to bring up. Still, it is vital as a doula to set clear boundaries, make your expectations known up front, and have clear payment agreements. No one wants to feel taken advantage of, we should all be on the same page, and your client should feel like they are getting your best while you feel compensated for your time, talents and wisdom. I always say let's get the business out of the way so that we can get to the fun. For my clients, I want you to feel and experience your investment in me paying off with every text, phone call, meet up, and my care for you as a doula. There should be a sense of security as a client when you've invested in this type of service.

“I made sure to bring her husband coffee, and when he saw me coming with that cup of brew, his whole face lit up, and to him, that was the best thing ever!

If I spend hundreds of dollars to go see Justin Timberlake in concert, Guaranteed I am going to make every effort to be there! When I get free tickets to a basketball game, it will not be my first priority to make sure I am there to see that game if I have the time great, if not ahh,( shoulder shrug) no love lost. The level of investment is different. Please know financial compensation isn't everything! My point is strictly that if you value the role of a doula then make every effort to compensate, show gratitude and appreciation for her service. There are several ways apart from money to show that! And to doulas, if you value yourself/ your role as a doula, then you need to show up; provide excellent care to those who are seeking it from you. The relationship between doula and client should be protected.

A doula can assist in many ways, for everyone of my clients, their needs have been different therefore, the way i doula looks different with each family. A doula provides not only emotional, physical, and informational support to the laboring woman but also her partner. I always like to assure my families that I do not replace their husbands/Partners. Still, instead, I can help facilitate an intimate environment between the two of them that they can both appreciate. A doula thinks of the little things. Food and snacks for a laboring mama and tired daddy who has been up with his partner and forgotten to eat are apart of the gig. One of my clients labored all night and early into the morning. I made sure to bring her husband coffee, and when he saw me coming with that cup of brew, his whole face lit up, and to him, that was the best thing ever! We fill in the gap and create space for the laboring woman. I tend to her most delicate need up to her most demanding one. When the baby is born, all attention turns to the baby. A doula knows to keep her eyes on her still, serving her throughout labor and into early postpartum. Partners also tend to follow the baby, which is natural and protective. They can do that without feeling like they've left their partner alone.

When I became a mom, I needed someone around to answer all of my questions and keep me company. I needed someone to remind me to take it easy on myself and give myself grace and time to learn and settle into my motherhood. Having my sister around those first two weeks to cook and help me with my toddler was the best thing. I am private and territorial, so having the extra help from my sisters was tremendous, and the better part is that they didn't overstay their welcome. Both my husband and I decided to have family only for the first weeks and allow a month to pass before allowing more family to visit, and it worked out perfectly for us. Support is going to look different and vary from family to family. All in all, the role of a doula is sacred, significant, and every family deserves one.

Photo taken by Shelby Blanton Photography, Portland Oregon.

Photo taken by Shelby Blanton Photography, Portland Oregon.

Photo taken by Shelby Blanton Photography, Portland Oregon.

Year 2020 Resolute!

We are a little less than a week away from New Year, and everyone has their opinion about New Year resolutions. Do they have a place? Do they matter? And while some are really passionate about starting anew and thinking about what things they want to focus on at the stroke of midnight, others will tell you that you are the same person at 12:00am on January 1st than you were at 11:59pm on December 31st so what’s the point?

I personally have never been great at sticking to my New Year resolutions. Honestly, I don’t take them all that seriously like others do ( I try not to meet myself up), but I still make them, I try, and I must say, I do believe they have a purpose, even if you don’t keep them! In the past, I’ve made resolutions and procrastinated, forgotten them - oops! And or no longer felt they were important enough to keep because my priorities changed. People will argue: Why make resolutions if you're not going to stick with them. My thing is, why not? There is no penalty if I don’t keep it lol. I may not have met my goal of date nights every week, meal preps or losing 25 lbs but you know what, it allowed to think about the things that I wanted to change, and it allowed me to get excited about what a healthy, happy, thriving version of myself could look like. I think the New year is about resetting, putting things into perspective, and when you can say something you want to

improve on, try for the first time, whatever you want to heal from. It is a powerful thing to speak it out loud or write it down on a piece of paper or in a blog post. And yes, even if you don’t keep it. It’s not going to always look picture perfect from start to finish, but at least you recognize something in yourself or in your life that you can do something about and work on it. I am not interested in being the same person in 2020 as I was in 2019, and Resolutions help assure I won’t be. Even if I don’t “succeed.” I tried and just trying changed me! It’s about growth! Have you grown this past year?

Perhaps that’s the key. Not looking forward, but looking back!

Ok, maybe I’m on to something because what if it’s about the “ reflect” instead of the “reset”?

What are some things that you can point out from this last year that has improved your life, Your health, Your relationships, or financials? Take a moment and think about that accomplishment, that small feat. You think, “ oh, that was great, but really it’s nothing.” NO, it’s something! Because life is about all the small victories, not the big ones. So with that in mind, sure make some New Year resolutions but celebrate the things that have already taken place as well. I would love to hear from you on what you reflected on from this past year that you can now say, I did it, my life is better because… and then share your New Years resolutions, I would love to hear! To end this, I’ll share mine!

My 2020 New Years Resolutions

Parenting

1.Take my girls to the park more this spring (at least bi-weekly)

2. Practice gentle parenting more

3. Visit the phoenix Children’s museum and take a girls only weekend trip

Spiritual growth

1. Pray more - during meals and when things are going well

2. Attend a spiritual conference

3. Start a journal

Relationships

1. More dates- with hubby, friends, and colleagues

2. Gain one new friend (Who wants a new bestie?) 😜

3. Call and text my distant long time friends/loved ones more this year

Health

1. Cook more healthy meals at home

2. do more active things with my family

3. Go to counseling

Business

1. Get a business partner/advisor

2. Create that product

3. Take more workshops/conferences/trainings

Community

1. Volunteer for two non profits this year

2. Make a monetary donation to a non profit

3. Provide my doula services to a mother in need free of charge

FOMO from a Cesarean Birth Mama

I had been experiencing some pretty uncomfortable Braxton hicks for the past week now. The nerves and excitement started to set in, and I couldn’t tell at that moment if that was the “real thing” or not, but I soon realized it was. I had just made it home after my 39th-week check-up. My ob-gyn told me I was 3 centimeters, the baby was head down (thank God), and I was about 70 percent effaced. Yay! How exciting it was to feel like I was so close to meeting my baby girl!

It sounds like a pretty standard report from a woman in her last few weeks of pregnancy, right? You go to see your doctor, and although it doesn’t accurately tell you how close or far you are from labor, you anticipate what's next. Just like you looked forward to that next ultrasound, obsessed over your weight gain, the result of that test, you look forward to the changes your body is making to prepare you for labor, right? I assume most women do. I know I did!

I have two beautiful girls. They are vibrant, healthy, and thriving!

That little scenario, in the beginning, you may have assumed was the beginning of my birth experience, but I am sad to inform you it was not and I; still till this day have major FOMO (fear of missing out) about the things I did NOT get to experience. Let me explain.

First photo as A family of three.

Photo taken by Wondering Lamb Photography

I am a c-section mama. I became a c-section mama because before I started having kids, I had fibroids. Five to be exact with the biggest one the size of a baseball. (I’ll save my fibroid story for another time.)

Any-who, my new shiny husband and I were in our first year of marriage when I found out about the fibroids. We talked about starting a family, but I had been dealing with some strange stuff for a while, so I knew I wanted to address that first before we just jumped right in. I was new to Arizona and needed to find a gynecologist to help me remedy these issues I'd been experiencing at that point; for 3-4 years! I truly believe God led me to all of the right people at just the right time because my gyno confirmed that I indeed had fibroids ( the biggest one the size of a baseball) and I needed surgery to remove them, so she referred me to one of the top fertility specialist and surgeons in Arizona, and on top of that, her office was a short 10-minute drive from our house.

I made an appointment with her, and it was suggested I remove the fibroids by getting a laparoscopic myomectomy, which a non-invasive/ outpatient surgery. They make four tiny incisions in your abdomen, insert little robot hands and cut the fibroids into small pieces, and pull them out of one the incisions. Having this surgery (unlike other options at the time) would allow me to keep all of my lady parts and still be able to have children. So early January 2013, I had a laparoscopic myomectomy. Once I fully recovered from surgery, my doctor suggested we start trying with the help of fertility treatments. Although apart from the fibroids, I did not have a "fertility issues," however, my doctor said that fibroids could always return, so it would be wise to start growing our family as soon as possible. Yes, sir, yes, sir! Our doctor basically prescribed "Netflix and chill," so we got to work!

When I found out I was pregnant for the first time, I was so excited, but my bubble was soon busted when they told me I had to have a cesarean. I mean… I remembered the doctor telling me shortly after surgery that I would have to have cesareans going forward when I start to have kids. I heard her but, it just didn’t register that it was an absolute and that there wasn’t a doctor in this world that would take a chance on me to have a vaginal birth. You see, because of where my fibroids were located, my doctor made an incision into the top part of my uterine wall. (just like a classical cesarean incision.) Because of that, I know at that point became high risk for uterine rupture, and unlike the cesarean birth, we know today, which is a low horizontal incision into the uterine wall (making it still possible to have a VBAC for some). I am not a viable candidate for a VBAC, and that has been very hard for me to accept. I understand that I have a terrible case of " we always want what we can't have." I know that there are women who would gladly trade their birth stories with mine; however, my story is mine, and your story is yours. I was crushed and truly felt something was robbed from me. I think that is why I am so passionate about what I do now!

I never want another mama to feel robbed!

I never had my cervix checked to tell how dilated I was; there were specific pregnancy books I didn’t even bother to read because well, what’s the point? I never knew the station of my baby, the position of my baby. Never lost my mucus plug and never felt Braxton hicks! It may sound crazy and weird that I wanted to experience all of these. I understand that not everything about birth is pleasant, but it is all beautiful and a reminder of our strength and perseverance. I had no idea if my body was doing all of the things to ready itself for labor. I gave birth at 37 weeks both times via cesarean because of the risk of uterine rupture; my doctor didn’t even want to risk my body going into labor and my delivery, resulting in an emergency cesarean. I get it. I really do. The pros outweighed the cons when it came to getting a cesarean over risking both mine and my baby's life by attempting a vaginal birth, But hey, I still have feelings, and I still have major FOMO from not getting the birth I had always dreamed of before having kids. I didn't even get to try. And i think That is the part that sucks most. I didn't get to try.

Women (of Color) - How to Advocate for Yourself & your Birth.

Unless you’re living under a rock you are probable aware that the U.S Maternal Mortality rate has more than doubled over the last few decades and is continuing to rise.

Recent articles, like this one on “Why Why America’s Black Mothers and Babies Are in a Life-or-Death Crisis” from the New York Times has brought this topic into the spotlight. The focus on this very statistic personally speaks to me being a women of color (FYI: WOC are 3-4 times more likely to die in child birth).

Hearing the numbers behind these horrific statistics one might think to themselves. What is wrong with my body that it may fail me when it comes time for me to give birth? What is it about my body that can’t birth and live?

The answer?

NOTHING!

I want to assure you (and every woman) that It’s not our bodies that are failing us; it’s our maternal healthcare system.

There are philosophical ideas, practices and policies that need to change in order for things to start heading in the right directions but one thing that you can do now to help make a difference is to simply learn how to advocate for yourself. In this light I wanted to give you a few tips on how you can do that to protect your birth choices in spaces that may, by nature, challenge them.

Self advocacy can be broken down Into three areas: knowing yourself, knowing your needs, and knowing how to ask/get what you need.

1. Know what you want and find a provider that will support and protect your wishes for birth.

When you have the right provider for you, you should not have to worry about protecting yourself against their care. In order to pick the right provider, you have to know yourself and your goals of what you want to accomplish. If it’s to have a non medicated birth, then find a provider that will fully support that. If you are looking for birth support, feel free to reach out to any of the women in the PVBB collective on this site for advice. Even if you don’t live in Phoenix, we can help guide you towards resources that will help you pick a great provider that fits with your birth plan. You can also connect with us on Facebook and Instagram for more help.

2. Know that you can always (ALWAYS) find another provider.

If at anytime throughout your pregnancy, your provider all of a sudden starts giving you red flags: Find another provider. We hire providers to care for us throughout pregnancy. They will essentially be the first to touch our babies So if something doesn’t sit right with you, trust your gut, fire them and find a new provider. it’s not too late to switch! Some of our clients come to us at 39, even 40 weeks because they realized the provider they chose was not going to be able to give them the support they wanted. It is NEVER too late to stand up for what you want.

3. Educate yourself & know your rights.

Knowledge is power so whether it be in books, your doula, or a resource like Evidence Based Birth, you can better make decisions and give informed consent when you’ve done some of the legwork in ensuring you are educated on things that may come up. This site is a great place to start. There are so many resources at the tip of your fingers, so let them do the walking. Knowing what your options are will help you feel empowered to make the right choice for you in the heat of the moment.

4. Take someone to your appointments and ask all your questions.

There is something about just having another person in the room that has your back! Having a supportive presence can make all the difference in the level of care you receive. If your partner can’t be present, ask a friend. Or your doula! I personally always offer to accompany my clients to their prenatal appointments if/when they feel they need extra support.

Another great tip is to buy a journal to write down all your doctor related questions in and bring it to each appointment. Sometimes we get nervous in the room and forget a question only to remember it as soon as we get to the car! You can try to avoid that by making your list ahead of time. You can leave your little journal in your purse of by your bed so you always have access to write down a question when it pops up.

5. Ask for more time.

If your provider is suggesting something that doesn’t sit well with you, ask for time to think about it! This allows you to take a breath. Just saying the words - “I need a minute to think about it” can be incredibly empowering. Think, and take away any pressures that might be present so that you can clear your head and decide if these suggestions will meet your needs.

I hope this was a helpful guide in beginning to advocate for yourself. Remember, you are the expert on YOUR body. Equip yourself with the knowledge and the team to help you feel safe and supported.

If you are looking for more support, in my labor prep class we go over comfort and measures for labor, the normal physiological process of birth and the importance of self advocacy! If you want to know more about my class or to register just visit my website at www.pslovommy.com

How to set boundaries for you & baby around the holidays.

When I had both of my kids, we were still a long ways out from the holidays, nonetheless I remember those nerve wrecking moments of going around tons of friends and family for the first time with my newborn. At the time (especially with my first) I wasn't sure exactly how to set boundaries and make my needs known to family. I was very protective and territorial instinctively with my baby but I didn't want to seem "mean" by projecting my do's and dont's to every person I came in contact with. It took me a quick second with a few encounters when I knew i had to speak up and say something!

You know your friends and family more than anyone else and you may even currently be receiving messages as you read this saying things like " I cant wait to hold and kiss the baby." oh goodness. Family and friends mean well, they really do but the last thing you want is your baby being passed around like a portable kissing booth with everything going around this time of year. Even when not showing symptoms, infection can be present in the body. It's better to be safe than sorry when you have a little one still developing his immune system.

As hard as it might be; for the sake of your own piece and the health of your baby, you have to set boundaries.

I've put together some tips on how you can do that so you can enjoy the holiday season worry free.

1. POST IT.

There have been a few posts going around about this very thing, the do's and dont's on visiting a new baby and respecting a mother's wishes that first home visit. Find that post and share it! Yes it can be seen as a little passive but who wants to call every relative just to tell them no, they cant kiss the baby, no they cant hold the baby if they show any signs of illness and no your 7 year old daughter or toddler can not take turns holding the baby 🤦🏿‍♀️. It just cant happen. its a hard NO!

2. BABY WEAR.

photo by Mindi Meade Photography

Baby wearing is a great way to keep baby close and not have to explain to a loved one why you dont want to give baby up. Baby is snuggled tight and soundly as he listens and is soothed by the beating of your heart. No one will ask you to unravel your baby, instead they will just gaze like so (🥺) at that beautiful content baby snuggled close to your chest!

3. MAKE SURE YOU AND YOUR PARTNER ARE ON THE SAME PAGE.

Your partner can enforce boundaries and have your back. You have to be on the same page because the reality is, your partner may want to hold the baby as well at some point which is great but I remember the anxiety of: exactly when would hand off baby to my husband, the closest person to him would then reach for the baby. People understand that you are a new mom and that it's not just about the baby being exposed to germs but that your motherly instincts may cause you to want baby close all of the time and thats ok. they may not feel that same way when it comes to your partner. in fact they want to "relieve" him from holding the baby and would feel more comfortable taking the baby from him than they will from you. so have that conversation.

4. BE HONEST.

I always felt i needed an excuse to give on why I didn't want someone to hold my baby. How crazy does that sound? You dont need a reason and if you feel so inclined, you can just be honest and share your reasons on why you have set the boundaries you have. Any loved one should understand.

5. KINDLY SAY "NO".

Its ok to say no, not right now, I want to wait till she is a little older. your main job as a parent is to protect your baby and you should never feel judged or wrong for doing so. You are valid in your feelings, listen to your intuitions. there will be another time and moment but now just isn't it. You may not be ready and that is ok! it took me a good 6 months to even step out for a date night with my first born. I dont regret it one bit.

All of these thing i have personally done and I think anyone is holding a grudge right now because I was stingy with my little baby once upon a time and I hope the same for you!