How to set boundaries for you & baby around the holidays.
When I had both of my kids, we were still a long ways out from the holidays, nonetheless I remember those nerve wrecking moments of going around tons of friends and family for the first time with my newborn. At the time (especially with my first) I wasn't sure exactly how to set boundaries and make my needs known to family. I was very protective and territorial instinctively with my baby but I didn't want to seem "mean" by projecting my do's and dont's to every person I came in contact with. It took me a quick second with a few encounters when I knew i had to speak up and say something!
You know your friends and family more than anyone else and you may even currently be receiving messages as you read this saying things like " I cant wait to hold and kiss the baby." oh goodness. Family and friends mean well, they really do but the last thing you want is your baby being passed around like a portable kissing booth with everything going around this time of year. Even when not showing symptoms, infection can be present in the body. It's better to be safe than sorry when you have a little one still developing his immune system.
As hard as it might be; for the sake of your own piece and the health of your baby, you have to set boundaries.
I've put together some tips on how you can do that so you can enjoy the holiday season worry free.
1. POST IT.
There have been a few posts going around about this very thing, the do's and dont's on visiting a new baby and respecting a mother's wishes that first home visit. Find that post and share it! Yes it can be seen as a little passive but who wants to call every relative just to tell them no, they cant kiss the baby, no they cant hold the baby if they show any signs of illness and no your 7 year old daughter or toddler can not take turns holding the baby 🤦🏿♀️. It just cant happen. its a hard NO!
2. BABY WEAR.
photo by Mindi Meade Photography
Baby wearing is a great way to keep baby close and not have to explain to a loved one why you dont want to give baby up. Baby is snuggled tight and soundly as he listens and is soothed by the beating of your heart. No one will ask you to unravel your baby, instead they will just gaze like so (🥺) at that beautiful content baby snuggled close to your chest!
3. MAKE SURE YOU AND YOUR PARTNER ARE ON THE SAME PAGE.
Your partner can enforce boundaries and have your back. You have to be on the same page because the reality is, your partner may want to hold the baby as well at some point which is great but I remember the anxiety of: exactly when would hand off baby to my husband, the closest person to him would then reach for the baby. People understand that you are a new mom and that it's not just about the baby being exposed to germs but that your motherly instincts may cause you to want baby close all of the time and thats ok. they may not feel that same way when it comes to your partner. in fact they want to "relieve" him from holding the baby and would feel more comfortable taking the baby from him than they will from you. so have that conversation.
4. BE HONEST.
I always felt i needed an excuse to give on why I didn't want someone to hold my baby. How crazy does that sound? You dont need a reason and if you feel so inclined, you can just be honest and share your reasons on why you have set the boundaries you have. Any loved one should understand.
5. KINDLY SAY "NO".
Its ok to say no, not right now, I want to wait till she is a little older. your main job as a parent is to protect your baby and you should never feel judged or wrong for doing so. You are valid in your feelings, listen to your intuitions. there will be another time and moment but now just isn't it. You may not be ready and that is ok! it took me a good 6 months to even step out for a date night with my first born. I dont regret it one bit.
All of these thing i have personally done and I think anyone is holding a grudge right now because I was stingy with my little baby once upon a time and I hope the same for you!
